All year you’ve been a good grand-son/daughter. Calling your grandparents frequently, stopping by their house for three-hour lessons on why this economic downturn is fiddlesticks compared to the Great Depression, and even mowing their lawn bi-weekly without even being asked to do so.
Christmas rolls around, and you’re expecting something awesome…maybe a hefty gift certificate to Academy…maybe a Playstation 3 video game…maybe even a copy of Cecil Hurt’s Tradition: The Pride of Bryant-Denny.
On Christmas Day, your grandfather hands you a medium-sized gift, and you are certain what’s inside that tacky holiday wrapping paper is a fabulous token of appreciation for all your hard work and acts of being a wonderful grandchild. You carefully remove the giant red bow without damaging it (because you know your grandmother wants to save it), tear off the wrapping, surgically cut the tape from the box-top (because she wants to hold onto that box too), and pull the top off, anxious to see what lies beneath.
When you discover the box’s contents, your face catches fire, but you force that painful fake smile and breathlessly mutter your best, “Thank you…I love it.” After all that brown-nosing, here’s what you get:
Freaking Purple Socks: Only cool for Tinky Winky and
weird porno scenes
After a 12-1 season in the SEC and a few plays from a national championship berth, the BCS system has awarded Alabama with a trip to the Sugar Bowl…to play freaking Utah. Thanks…Thanks a lot. We love it. Jesus.
No complaints…seriously. Because Alabama NEEDS this Sugar Bowl (it’s been 16 years)…just like you NEED socks. But purple socks? Utah???
Alabama’s BCS bowl bid:
Who: #4 Alabama vs. #6 Utah / Where: Sugar Bowl, New Orleans, La. / When: January 2nd, 2009